Get Moodified.

Well, last Thursday I received THE letter. Moody Bible Institute decided to accept me. What a blessing! I’m torn in two…or three. Just when life begins to take on a sense of normalcy here in the Cities...AKA I can finally leave the house without getting lost (yesterday’s adventure in the suburbs not included), I have friends I can call up and have lunch with, I have a church where people know my name and I feel like part of a family, I have finally brought all my JUNK here and have hung the last picture and stacked the last book. As much as I would love to stay in the Cities, I think this is an opportunity I just can’t pass up. The past few years of my life have involved a lot of goodbyes. I left home to live in Waukesha. I left Waukesha to come back home. I left home again to move to Ecuador. I said goodbye to Ecuador and came back home. I left home to move to the Cities. 

Lord, don’t you want be to be comfortable?

In fact, He has already answered that question, in a way. This past Sunday, I knew He was up to something from the start. While we were getting ready to go to church, I asked Jean, “If you were a bird, which one would you be?” And first she replied, “Maybe a lark?” I thought I would be an ostrich, and we both decided Jean could never be a penguin because she would be too cold. “No, actually I would want to be an eagle,” she decided. On our way to church, guess what swooped down and flew past us as we were driving. A huge, beautiful eagle. What!?!? In the city? On Fairview Avenue? I am not superstitious, nor am I a “little-stitious,” but THAT was cool. We arrived at church and guess what was on the cover of the bulletin!?! It was a big, beautiful….CROSS?

No. It was an EAGLE. 

My ears and eyes were open, that’s for sure. The sermon on Sunday was titled, “Get out.” At one point, Pastor Jim was literally saying in a dramatic tone, “Get out! Move it! Don’t settle for anything less than God’s best just because you’re comfortable!” Of course, he was referring to the story of Abraham and how God called him to another land. 

Now, I know everything must be considered in context. I know we as humans can sometimes “make up” the voice of God. In all reality, I have peace about my decision. I have peace if I stay in the Cities. I have peace if I move to Chicago. I even have peace if I were to feel led to move to South Africa. As my dear friend Gene reminded me, “The Scripture says, ‘Commit your ways to the Lord, and He will make all your plans succeed.’ It doesn’t say ‘Wait around until God lays out a step-by-step plan.’” Ok, he said something along those lines. Being in the will of God is PRO-ACTIVE. As my pastor likes to say, “The will of God is not a fine line, where we have to be so careful not to take one tiny step and fall off. When we are in an interactive relationship with God, that broadens the path a little bit.” He still directs us, but He is also with us WHEREVER we go. AMEN, amen, amen. Can I serve God in the Cities? Yes. Can I serve Him in Chicago? Yes. When I applied to Moody, I prayed over the application. I prayed as I filled it out, and I prayed after I sent it in. “If this is NOT the best place for me to be, if You have something better in mind, please CLOSE THE DOOR to this opportunity.” When I received the acceptance letter, I kinda felt like God was saying, “Yes, this would be ok,” but just because that door is open does NOT mean that Moody is the ONLY path I could take right now. That’s why I feel so much peace. God is not going to allow me to enter a situation that is harmful, and even if I make a decision that ends up producing difficulties and challenges, all the more opportunity for me to trust Him and lean on Him for strength.

So…cool, huh? Praise Him. He is faithful.

Great Zumba and English classes last night. I get sad when I think about leaving my English students. Heading out to Wisconsin for a couple days this weekend for Dad’s birthday. I’m sorry to all my Wisconsin friends that I haven’t seen in a really long time. The limited, precious time that I have had home the past year has been spent mostly at the Vogt house with my family. I will be in Hartford Thursday night through Sunday afternoon, and if anyone wants to stop by to visit, that would be AWESOME!

Oh, happy day

Lamentations 3:21-24 "Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust— there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone."

We have such a reason to celebrate. This past weekend was probably one of the most joyous Resurrection celebrations I've ever experienced. It may have been (very small partly) due to the fact that I had been without any source of caffeine for a lengthy period of time and Easter morning I broke the fast with a healthy dosage of coffee. I had a spring to my step and an extra bounce to my heart rate...can't handle my caffeine anymore. But who needs caffeine when we are celebrating the fact that Jesus suffered and died on the cross for our sins and we can experience FREEDOM in Him??

New bike is doing well...still struggling with the lock. Oh my word. Tried to lock my bike up at the grocery store today and it was stuck. I broke a sweat just trying to figure it out. Right now it's "locked up" outside the library but I couldn't close it all the way so just tried to make it look like it was locked. I may come from the same family that supplied the current working world with two engineers, but I'm more of a right-side-of-the-brain person myself. 

I'm in a continuous struggle with not being anxious about the future...must continuously die to that part of my flesh. Still haven't heard from Moody Bible Institute, where I applied several months ago. If I get accepted there I must decide if I want to move down to Chicago and start a whole new life. Again. After finally getting settled into the Cities. If I don't get accepted I have to decide if I want to stay in the Cities (and if yes, what/where to study, ideal living situation, etc) or go back to Wisconsin to be close to my family (a very lovely thought, but again, basically resettling and leaving my newly adjusted life in the Cities.) Oh dear. To be honest, I have a gracious amount of peace in it all, knowing that my future is safely in the hands of my Master, and He has been faithful to uphold me in all situations. I can rest in that...and continue to fill out applications. It's just a re-occuring cycle in my mind: planning, anxiety, reassurance, peace, planning, slight panic, reassurance, peace...

Jean thinks I look like Justin Bieber.

Here I am.

I have been arguing with myself for a long time about starting a blog.
"I don't want to fit one more thing into my schedule. I will have to keep it up and be stressed out," I claim.
"But I enjoy writing," I respond to myself, "and then people know what's going on in my life."
I snort at that comment. "Assuredly, no one will read it."

But here I am today. Maybe I will just try it out. If nothing else, I can get some public venting and encouraging in, and if no one reads it then I will at least have some kind of permanent record of what's happening in my life these days.

I took my first bike ride today on my new bike. Just so happens today is the first and only day of cloudy, misty, chilly weather in the past week. My hands got cold. Also, I am extremely out of shape. Let me retrack, first I had to figure out the complex lock system that my sister Kelly insisted that I buy. The label says "consumer friendly" but I am not your average consumer. I can't even figure out touch-screens. But the ride was enjoyable and now I am in the library to warm up and check my email. When I arrived at the library there were several people waiting in the lobby. I always forget that the library doesn't open until 10 and there is a crowd waiting eagerly outside the doors. St. Paulites are avid book-readers and internet-users. Then there was the preoccupied mother who doesn't notice the other people waiting and herds her crew to the doors and attempts to open it. "Ten!" barked an elderly lady sitting on a bench, "it doesn't open til TEN!" The flustered mother glanced around and gave her kids graham crackers to occupy them for the the next 1 1/2 minutes.

Last night, I went with Jean to a beautiful Good Friday service. Jean's other attendant had taken over at 5, and we also picked up a few friends of hers on the way. What a crew we were. Jean and H, both in wheelchairs, Jean's elderly mother, and Jean's outspoken friend J, all of us tucked into Jean's big van. The service was entitled "A Walk to the Cross" it was called, and it was serene, sacred, and blessed. Thanks, Jesus, for suffering on the cross for us, and let us never forget the significance of your sacrifice. I know it was painful, humiliating, heartwrenching, brutal, and indescribably lonely, but you did it with a heart of pure LOVE.

Have I ever mentioned that Jean is the most gracious person in the world? I'm so honored to work with her. She has endless amounts of patience, kindness, humility, thankfulness, servitude, and sensitivity towards the Lord.  Thanks, God, for Jean.

Today I have off until 5, so I shall finish my bike ride, eat some lunch, make some food to take along to Jean's sisters house tomorrow for the Easter celebration, make dinner, and then I'll be on duty until Monday morning. Monday after work I will be getting ready for our English classes, which are before and after Zumba Tuesday evening. Monday and Tuesday I work overnight shifts.Wednesday is my day off, and I always get a little stressed out deciding how to relax and make the most of my free nights.

On a more personal note, I want to share something the Lord has been teaching me. He always teaches me in long processes. In retrospect, I look at the past and see how He has taught me very important, transformational things, and it always happens over a painfully lengthy period of time. I have been a part of this Leaders-in-Training group at my church, which is basically a group of people my age who love the Lord and want to serve, and the Pastors have come alongside us to train and counsel and teach. Its humbling to be around others who are so passionate for the Lord. "Look at her gifts," I say to God, "wouldn't You like me to be gifted in that, too? And look at him, he is so sensitive to Your Spirit, I want to be more like that. You have given others such insight, I should be more like that." But very softly, very slowly, but very deliberately He has told me, "Don't look at them. Look at ME."

We are forever in a stage of growth and refining. He is never finished teaching us. 


"I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:14