Growingosity.

Teens. Young adults. 20-something’s. Middle age. Every stage of life has a name and its own set of expectations. We like to clump everyone together for the sake of statistics, maybe.  We’re all made out of the same clay even though the grooves and lumps are a little different. I can’t speak for everyone else who just turned 22, but I’ve been feeling the “tension” lately, like I’m in some kind of limbo. There’s a big gap between childhood and adultness, and a whole lot of that tension in between. Sometimes I feel like I’m a child straining to live up to the responsibilities of adulthood. Other times I’m an adult having to indulge the child-like tendencies that I haven’t grown out of yet. Children are by nature selfish. I have to wrestle with so much selfishness. SO MUCH. Every. Day.  And then as a “maturing adult” there is so much responsibility and vagueness. You must do this and this, but there are no rules on exactly how to do it, and you get to choose the path as long as you end up in the same spot as everyone else who has had any kind of “success” in this world.  Sometimes the idea lingers in my mind that there is a little bit of cushion…like, “Oh, she’s only 22. She’s too young to know what life is all about.” That’s it. That’s what I’m trying to figure out…is it a case of “Wow, you’re only 22? You’re just a kid still!” Or is it a case of “You’re 22. Quit acting like a child.” Don’t they both sound feasible? 

What I’m trying to say is that it’s been a little tough. 

One of my newest favoritest passages: ‘”Ah, Sovereign Lord,’ I said, ‘I do not know how to speak, I am only a child.’ But the Lord said to me, ‘Do not say, “I am only a child.” You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,’ declares the Lord. Then the Lord reached out His hand and touched my mouth and said, ‘Now, I have put MY words in your mouth. See, today I [assign] you over the nations to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.’” (Jeremiah 1: 6-10) No more excuses. No more “I can’t’s.”

My birthday went really well. I woke up to birthday texts from my family, went to say goodbye to an Ecuadorian friend, and then Jean and Jane blindfolded me and took me out to lunch at The Tavern. Afterwards we went spice shopping with a gift card they gave me. My birthday is so weird. I always wake up with that feeling that “Today is no ordinary day. People will just look at me and know it’s my birthday.” I don’t like to make a big deal out of myself…and yet I do. I like to get gifts and hugs and 100 comments on my facebook. I like to get free cake with my meal and cards in the mail. I love that Jean makes the day special for me. And yet as the day goes on, I realize that it IS just an ordinary day and that life doesn’t change just because it happens to be August 30. All that changes is that I now have to remember to answer “22” instead of “21.” 

September is going to be full of changes. I’m excited for change just so I can settle into a new normal again. I’m going to be moving in the next couple of weeks…finally got the OK from God on that and my parents have promised to bring me a bed to sleep on.  I will be living in the suburbs in a house with six other girls. I know what you’re thinking: that’s a lot of womanly intuition under one roof. Also, I am now  a virtual student taking online classes from a digital professor in a large, white chatroom. I had always kind of scoffed at online classes...”Oh, right, you just want to stay in bed all day while the rest of the real world has to show up to class.” But now here I am. Never say never; it’s actually quite dangerous. My friends that have said” never” have ended up marrying Ecuadorians or wearing tight bright yellow pants in public.

Here are some pictures from the process of painting my new room. Notice the original red and black (who DOES that??) and then the shockingly mintiness of the seafoam green I apparently picked out. It's still a work in progess. I'm hoping the end result looks slightly less like a shamrock shake exploded in my room. It was supposed to be a neutral color. My face says it all.