Hey God.
It’s amazing the things you’ve been doing in my life lately.
I know You know I’m not a balloon and I know You know that this time of
stretching is not a cruel joke but rather the most sincere form of love that
has ever and will ever exist. I ask that You have an extra amount of patience
with me, as I’m struggling to comprehend such complex new ideas.
The problem with taking on leadership, Lord, is that leaders
are not allowed to lose it. In all other roles that I’ve nestled into over the
past years, there has been pleeeenty of leeway. Leeway for losing it. I feel
like I may have taken on too much. Or is just enough to stretch just a little
more? How can I know but by Your Spirit? I must admit, I have felt especially
tired for about a year now, so maybe tensions have been high and discernment a
little low. Let me NEVER walk through a door that You have not opened. I need
the power to say no, and the courage to say yes. Yes to the new things you have
planned for me. Yes to things that I don’t want to do but will have an
invaluable lesson attached to it. Honestly, I don’t want to coordinate events
and I don’t want to be in front of people and look into their eyes and see that
they are needing me to give them something that I can’t seem to conjure up. But
You have a plan. Only YOU know how I’ve made it through this crazy journey
we’ve been on the past four years.
Thank You, Lord, for a weekend with Cristo Vive. Thank You
for bringing seven precious campers who blessed all of us with reflections of
Your true character. Thank you for the 24 workers who sacrificed their time and
efforts. Thank You for the crazy moments when I felt like every nerve in my
body had snapped. Thank you for the moments when someone came up to me and gave
me a hug and for everyone who had the grace to see the need that was there and
fill it. Thanks for the foot of snow that I asked for…now I understand I should
have been a little more specific about the timing. It is only by Your grace
that anything turned out well this past weekend, because You and I both know I
was a wreck and had no strength outside of Yours. I ask for new things in the ministry. I ask for
miracles and healings. I ask for more hands to plant seeds.
And now a new year is creeping up upon me. I have no idea
what the next year is going to bring, any more than I knew what would happen in
this past year. Thanks for a great year. Thank you for helping me make
decisions about school this year, thanks for the internship at Bethel, Cristo
Vive camps, the Color Run, the Ecuadorian fiestas, sky diving, weddings in Port
Washington and Mexico, trip out to the east coast to see Smashley and up north
with Jean, thanks for making my car last another year, and for the new home
that I have. There is a lot of unknown for the next year, I have NO idea what
the next steps to take are. You always provide, and I know that when doors
close, that means You have something better in mind. Your ways are ever higher
than mine…so much higher. I aim for flagpoles but You have mountaintops in
mind. You are always calling us to more…more sacrifice, more worship, more
love, more trust and surrender, more suffering, more peace, more wisdom, more
freedom, more of Your Spirit. Let’s walk this road together, shall we?
One more thing…
…please help me to keep it together.
Love,
Noele
