"You can pick your friends, but you can't pick their noses" doesn't apply to PCA's

Time is an illusion, as they say. The past three weeks have been really busy and have passed without my awareness. What am I saying? I haven’t had a concept of time for the last six months.  A few weeks ago, I was getting ready for camp at a good pace, I thought. But then suddenly the days were winding down and there were still small details to be taken care of and people to get in touch with and my room had turned into a disaster hole. 

For those of you who don’t know, if indeed you exist, for the past two years I have been involved with an organization that does evangelistic camps for youths and adults with disabilities. It’s like summer camp with a Jesus twist…and handicap accessible. The time I spent in Ecuador was working with this organization, Cristo Vive, and the past two summers I did week-long camps with them. It’s the highlight of my year, seriously. It’s a time of no pretenses or inhibitions, of unhindered love and laughter, of learning and teaching, running around and slowing down to keep pace with those who endure life at the pace that their physical bodies allow them. My main love language is physical touch and at camp I get enough high-fives and hugs to bring me into a state of perfect contentment and joy. God always teaches me the most important lessons when I’m with those kids and that particular group of workers. 

This year He spoke something very important to me. One of the most precious gifts He’s given us is so simple that I haven’t recognized it as a gift at all. Other than the fact that He has so graciously given me legs for kicking and jumping, a mouth to not only eat with but also communicate in functional ways as well as shout and sing and whistle, hands that can point and push and cross and clap, and the ability to express myself in whatever way seems necessary…He has given me something so much more precious: TIME. For some reason unknown to me but somehow woven into the pattern into the tapestry of His will, I am allotted a specific time on this earth and someday I will be held accountable with how I have invested my time. Because it really isn’t MY time, anyway. What better way could I have spent last week but at camp, serving and being blessed? All of our talents, abilities, and simple human functions are to be used for HIS purpose, for HIS glory. Be intentional with your time. I mean…look at us. Our lives are so easy. We aren’t exactly spending all our time fighting just to survive like some people are. I look at my life and I have all the food and provisions I need and then some. I think God has provided this generation with amazing opportunities to reach out. 

The next couple of months are going to be a time of transition. I’m still working out the details of my living situation after I move out of Jean’s house, but I have a few options available. I’m just waiting to see where the Lord directs me. He has been pretty good at keeping me in suspense for all the important decisions I’ve made the past couple of years, and I know it’s just a matter of waiting on His perfect timing. He always works it out perfectly just when I think I might explode from the suspense. I want to be able to be involved in ministries where He can use my talents and abilities, be glorified in my weaknesses, and stretch my strengths.

Here are some exciting events coming up that I just can’t stop getting excited about:

-Trip home at the end of July! Yay family…and seeing Kiki and my Ñaño…welcome home!

-Sister’s wedding in the fall. I love my sister, I love weddings, and the autumn loves me. Can’t wait to celebrate with them.

-My birthday in August…normally my birthday isn’t all that big of a deal to me, but I have a big plan for this one. Skydiving, anyone?

-5K Color Run on July 15. http://thecolorrun.com/minnesota. I don’t run…but this should be crazy fun.

-Possible trip to Mexico in October for cousin’s wedding

Funny text message from sister the other day:

Laura: Nel?

Me: Yesh?

No response

Me: Speak.

Laura: Nothing. I just wanted to see your voice.

As always, He is faithful and merciful and today gave me a day of much-needed rest and relaxation. And here I sign off…my Blue Flame is calling me to a bike ride.

What's in a title...by any other name might smell as sweet?

What a strange week. I don't know why, but I feel like I've been living in a cloud for the past several days. I was in Wisconsin all last weekend, which really threw me off. Got to see the kid sister graduate (muchos congrats, deaker!) and my dear aunt Lois get married (more congrats, Lois and Larry!) So you can imagine that with all the celebrating and partying there was plenty of EATING. Oh my word. Too. Much. Food.

The beginning of this week I spent getting ready for my English class, making rhubarb pie, cleaning, and biking. And occasionally chasing the baby rabbits in our backyard. Stay out of our lettuce, nasty rabbits.  

Oh! Guess what. So one of my English students who has become a very dear friend, Irma, invited me over the other day because her mother was flying in from Ecuador. Sometimes I just think it's so funny that I spent all this time in Cuenca, Ecuador, and then I come to the Twin Cities and just HAPPEN to find myself connected with some friendly Cuencanos. Thanks, God. Anyway, we went to the airport to pick up her mom, and after a tearful reunion, we headed back to the house to unpack. Among all the Ecuadorian goodies that Mami brought were ten suspicious looking packages. What are these, I asked her. Cuy, she replied. Wait, CUY!?!?! Cuy is something I tried several times while in Ecuador and will never forget it. Basically what you do is take a guinea pig, shave it and scour it, and then roast it. And then eat it. So my friend's mother brought 10 CUY in her suitcase from Ecuador. The only problem she had with security was a small bag of fruit that her sister sent along. But the poor, dead guinea pigs made it across the continent. So we celebrated with a good guinea pig roast with rice, potatoes, salad, and mote. I even got my friend Alyssa to try it with us. I think we were the only gringas in the state of Minnesota to be doing that. 

Yeah, I don't have much else to say...still working out the details for the next year, still praising God, still making mistakes, still enjoying my bike rides. In fact, yesterday I biked into downtown St. Paul to do some shopping, got all turned around, and headed the wrong direction for a good half-hour. Got a better work-out than I was planning on. 

Next Thursday I'm leaving for Cristo Vive camp. This is the highlight of my summer, seriously. I can't wait. I plan to take many, many pictures and then make you look through all of them so you can see how much fun we have. Please pray for the preparation as we are getting ready. 

Til next time. 

When you don’t have dental insurance, a toothache can be tolerable for a long time.

So, this is the kind of biker I am NOT.

-I am NOT the kind of biker that rides a Harley, has a big burly mustache, wears a bandana and leather vest, rev’s their engine when leaving a stoplight, and is perpetually frowning. No, this type can be slightly intimidating and I have never been referred to as intimidating in my life. Neither do I have an engine to rev.

-I am NOT the kind of Twin Cities biker that walks in to Chipotle, orders, sits down, eats, AND uses the restroom…all while still wearing their helmet. 

-I am NOT the kind of biker that has a pretty rose-colored bike with a wicker basket, wears skirts and delicate scarves, whose hair blows in the wind, and is perpetually smiling. It’s difficult for me to smile while pedaling up hills and my bike is blue and yellow (yes, as in Swedish colors.)

-I am NOT the kind of biker that wears gloves and spandex with cool logos and bright colors that all match their shoes and don’t stop at stop signs and treat their bike like their eldest child and like to speed past the poor souls on their blue and yellow bikes who just haven’t gotten quite up to speed yet. 

Anyway.

May I walk you through the decision process I have been taking the last few months regarding my future? I’m slightly proud of myself for really taking my time on this decision. I mean REALLY taking my time. As in, it’s been a reaaaaally long time. I decided I didn’t want to put words in God’s mouth and say, “I think He’s calling me here or there” without being 100% sure. You know, it’s slightly exhausting to constantly being weighing the options in the back of my mind, and feeling the heaviness of having to commit one way or the other, especially since with every decision stem ten more small ones. But I’m NOT anxious about it.

You may remember last time when I was talking about Moody. All the doors seemed to be leading to there. I applied and got accepted, which is an honor and a blessing. I could get my degree, be in Chicago (closer to my wonderful family,) be in a conservative Christian education environment (without the average Christian education prices,) and get some good experience. 

HOWEVER. Here I am, in the Twin Cities, surrounded by diversity. I’m already teaching an English class to Spanish-speakers, which has opened up SO many opportunities and connections. There is an opportunity to work with a Hispanic church. Several girls from church are getting a house together and happen to have extra space. I have learned a lot about ministry, leadership, the Spirit, and reaching out to others through my time in Ecuador, the apprenticeship I’ve been involved with at my church, and from Jean. What is better education than hands-on experience? I feel called into ministry, and time is short. We need to be VERY deliberate and intentional with how we spend our time AND money…it almost seems selfish to go to school. Especially at a school where my new growth spurts in the gifts of the Spirit might be less than encouraged? If I put on my “eternity vision” lenses, what would be the most beneficial to others around me? As the youth pastor at my church once said, “God’s dream for your life is for others, not just for you.” I know I can glorify God in any city, any country, any planet. I know He is with me to the end of the earth. I can serve Him in the classroom, in the desert, in the kitchen, in the janitor’s closet, in the jungle, in the snow, in the air, in the mountains, on the rooftops, in a cave. But what is His BEST for me? I want to be ON FIRE for Him. I want to be where He is working. 

As you can see, I am leaning towards staying in Minnesota. I have been praying about starting a summer “Digging into the Word/Praying in the Spirit/Discipleship AND Evangelistic” Bible study with the BCF 20-something females. I want to continue tutoring my English students through the summer. Cristo Vive camp is coming up quickly. I am so excited to spend a couple weeks with my family. I love to spend time with Jean and am grateful for having time with her and HER family. How is there time for school right now? I understand it’s important... I did apply to take some online courses and there are lots of programs for getting TEFL/TESOL certified, especially here in the Cities. 

So, there ain’t no flipping of a coin to get past this one. And I am trying not to be wishy-washy.

Praise God for His faithfulness. 

Simplificationized.

In Matthew 6, the author writes about not being anxious about "what we will wear, what we will eat." He might have been thinking about me when he wrote this passage, unknowingly. I am a girl trying to outgrow the immatureness of girlhood. I made a chart of what occupies a lot of my thinking-time and realized there are two things that hold a very discouragingly high percentage. Food and clothes. Now, I am definitely not anxious about having ENOUGH of these things. One peek into my closet space will assure anyone that I have no concerns about having something to wear. Another quick glance into the pantry and fridge of the Swenson household will remove any doubt of us starving. My struggle is not against anxiety, but of distraction. When my mind is aimlessly shuffling through the file cabinets of life, I end up planning meals and outfits. Really? Meals and outfits? Aren’t there a million other things that are far more important that I could spend my mind energy on? It’s a process of maturity, and it takes a great amount of discipline that I am just recently beginning to practice.

Basically I’m trying to simplify. If I were to wear the same outfit every day and eat the same food at every meal, that would free up SO much time and energy spent elsewhere. The more options I have, the more time I have to spend on making decisions. I should simplify things a little more, cut down on what’s available and there will be less time spend on making a decision. However, did you realize how complicated it is to simplify? How time-consuming it is?

The other day I was driving on 35W, minding my own business. I passed a semi-truck, no drama there. I turned up the music. Suddenly, the truck was blaring his horn at me. I had drifted slightly into his lane directly in front of him. He was warning me, “Move it or lose it, sister.” I was slightly annoyed. “Don’t get yer undies in a bunch, amigo. I got this.” Then it turned into a life lesson. Has anyone else ever been annoyed when someone tried warning them of danger? I’m not talking like falling-off-a-cliff danger. I’m talking like…gentle reminders that we need to be careful about the type of movies that we are watching…caution about the health issues of smoking…wise but slightly brutal “advice” about being careful about the guys I choose to spend emotions on. I don’t know about you, but that will warning is invaluable. It may feel constricting. It may not flow with the general mood of life at the moment. It may even feel insulting. But I definitely prefer to get honked at than get run over by the semi.

Still in the decision process. Thought I was done but God always is up to something...

Thank you, God, for the adventures of life!

 

Get Moodified.

Well, last Thursday I received THE letter. Moody Bible Institute decided to accept me. What a blessing! I’m torn in two…or three. Just when life begins to take on a sense of normalcy here in the Cities...AKA I can finally leave the house without getting lost (yesterday’s adventure in the suburbs not included), I have friends I can call up and have lunch with, I have a church where people know my name and I feel like part of a family, I have finally brought all my JUNK here and have hung the last picture and stacked the last book. As much as I would love to stay in the Cities, I think this is an opportunity I just can’t pass up. The past few years of my life have involved a lot of goodbyes. I left home to live in Waukesha. I left Waukesha to come back home. I left home again to move to Ecuador. I said goodbye to Ecuador and came back home. I left home to move to the Cities. 

Lord, don’t you want be to be comfortable?

In fact, He has already answered that question, in a way. This past Sunday, I knew He was up to something from the start. While we were getting ready to go to church, I asked Jean, “If you were a bird, which one would you be?” And first she replied, “Maybe a lark?” I thought I would be an ostrich, and we both decided Jean could never be a penguin because she would be too cold. “No, actually I would want to be an eagle,” she decided. On our way to church, guess what swooped down and flew past us as we were driving. A huge, beautiful eagle. What!?!? In the city? On Fairview Avenue? I am not superstitious, nor am I a “little-stitious,” but THAT was cool. We arrived at church and guess what was on the cover of the bulletin!?! It was a big, beautiful….CROSS?

No. It was an EAGLE. 

My ears and eyes were open, that’s for sure. The sermon on Sunday was titled, “Get out.” At one point, Pastor Jim was literally saying in a dramatic tone, “Get out! Move it! Don’t settle for anything less than God’s best just because you’re comfortable!” Of course, he was referring to the story of Abraham and how God called him to another land. 

Now, I know everything must be considered in context. I know we as humans can sometimes “make up” the voice of God. In all reality, I have peace about my decision. I have peace if I stay in the Cities. I have peace if I move to Chicago. I even have peace if I were to feel led to move to South Africa. As my dear friend Gene reminded me, “The Scripture says, ‘Commit your ways to the Lord, and He will make all your plans succeed.’ It doesn’t say ‘Wait around until God lays out a step-by-step plan.’” Ok, he said something along those lines. Being in the will of God is PRO-ACTIVE. As my pastor likes to say, “The will of God is not a fine line, where we have to be so careful not to take one tiny step and fall off. When we are in an interactive relationship with God, that broadens the path a little bit.” He still directs us, but He is also with us WHEREVER we go. AMEN, amen, amen. Can I serve God in the Cities? Yes. Can I serve Him in Chicago? Yes. When I applied to Moody, I prayed over the application. I prayed as I filled it out, and I prayed after I sent it in. “If this is NOT the best place for me to be, if You have something better in mind, please CLOSE THE DOOR to this opportunity.” When I received the acceptance letter, I kinda felt like God was saying, “Yes, this would be ok,” but just because that door is open does NOT mean that Moody is the ONLY path I could take right now. That’s why I feel so much peace. God is not going to allow me to enter a situation that is harmful, and even if I make a decision that ends up producing difficulties and challenges, all the more opportunity for me to trust Him and lean on Him for strength.

So…cool, huh? Praise Him. He is faithful.

Great Zumba and English classes last night. I get sad when I think about leaving my English students. Heading out to Wisconsin for a couple days this weekend for Dad’s birthday. I’m sorry to all my Wisconsin friends that I haven’t seen in a really long time. The limited, precious time that I have had home the past year has been spent mostly at the Vogt house with my family. I will be in Hartford Thursday night through Sunday afternoon, and if anyone wants to stop by to visit, that would be AWESOME!

Oh, happy day

Lamentations 3:21-24 "Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust— there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone."

We have such a reason to celebrate. This past weekend was probably one of the most joyous Resurrection celebrations I've ever experienced. It may have been (very small partly) due to the fact that I had been without any source of caffeine for a lengthy period of time and Easter morning I broke the fast with a healthy dosage of coffee. I had a spring to my step and an extra bounce to my heart rate...can't handle my caffeine anymore. But who needs caffeine when we are celebrating the fact that Jesus suffered and died on the cross for our sins and we can experience FREEDOM in Him??

New bike is doing well...still struggling with the lock. Oh my word. Tried to lock my bike up at the grocery store today and it was stuck. I broke a sweat just trying to figure it out. Right now it's "locked up" outside the library but I couldn't close it all the way so just tried to make it look like it was locked. I may come from the same family that supplied the current working world with two engineers, but I'm more of a right-side-of-the-brain person myself. 

I'm in a continuous struggle with not being anxious about the future...must continuously die to that part of my flesh. Still haven't heard from Moody Bible Institute, where I applied several months ago. If I get accepted there I must decide if I want to move down to Chicago and start a whole new life. Again. After finally getting settled into the Cities. If I don't get accepted I have to decide if I want to stay in the Cities (and if yes, what/where to study, ideal living situation, etc) or go back to Wisconsin to be close to my family (a very lovely thought, but again, basically resettling and leaving my newly adjusted life in the Cities.) Oh dear. To be honest, I have a gracious amount of peace in it all, knowing that my future is safely in the hands of my Master, and He has been faithful to uphold me in all situations. I can rest in that...and continue to fill out applications. It's just a re-occuring cycle in my mind: planning, anxiety, reassurance, peace, planning, slight panic, reassurance, peace...

Jean thinks I look like Justin Bieber.

Here I am.

I have been arguing with myself for a long time about starting a blog.
"I don't want to fit one more thing into my schedule. I will have to keep it up and be stressed out," I claim.
"But I enjoy writing," I respond to myself, "and then people know what's going on in my life."
I snort at that comment. "Assuredly, no one will read it."

But here I am today. Maybe I will just try it out. If nothing else, I can get some public venting and encouraging in, and if no one reads it then I will at least have some kind of permanent record of what's happening in my life these days.

I took my first bike ride today on my new bike. Just so happens today is the first and only day of cloudy, misty, chilly weather in the past week. My hands got cold. Also, I am extremely out of shape. Let me retrack, first I had to figure out the complex lock system that my sister Kelly insisted that I buy. The label says "consumer friendly" but I am not your average consumer. I can't even figure out touch-screens. But the ride was enjoyable and now I am in the library to warm up and check my email. When I arrived at the library there were several people waiting in the lobby. I always forget that the library doesn't open until 10 and there is a crowd waiting eagerly outside the doors. St. Paulites are avid book-readers and internet-users. Then there was the preoccupied mother who doesn't notice the other people waiting and herds her crew to the doors and attempts to open it. "Ten!" barked an elderly lady sitting on a bench, "it doesn't open til TEN!" The flustered mother glanced around and gave her kids graham crackers to occupy them for the the next 1 1/2 minutes.

Last night, I went with Jean to a beautiful Good Friday service. Jean's other attendant had taken over at 5, and we also picked up a few friends of hers on the way. What a crew we were. Jean and H, both in wheelchairs, Jean's elderly mother, and Jean's outspoken friend J, all of us tucked into Jean's big van. The service was entitled "A Walk to the Cross" it was called, and it was serene, sacred, and blessed. Thanks, Jesus, for suffering on the cross for us, and let us never forget the significance of your sacrifice. I know it was painful, humiliating, heartwrenching, brutal, and indescribably lonely, but you did it with a heart of pure LOVE.

Have I ever mentioned that Jean is the most gracious person in the world? I'm so honored to work with her. She has endless amounts of patience, kindness, humility, thankfulness, servitude, and sensitivity towards the Lord.  Thanks, God, for Jean.

Today I have off until 5, so I shall finish my bike ride, eat some lunch, make some food to take along to Jean's sisters house tomorrow for the Easter celebration, make dinner, and then I'll be on duty until Monday morning. Monday after work I will be getting ready for our English classes, which are before and after Zumba Tuesday evening. Monday and Tuesday I work overnight shifts.Wednesday is my day off, and I always get a little stressed out deciding how to relax and make the most of my free nights.

On a more personal note, I want to share something the Lord has been teaching me. He always teaches me in long processes. In retrospect, I look at the past and see how He has taught me very important, transformational things, and it always happens over a painfully lengthy period of time. I have been a part of this Leaders-in-Training group at my church, which is basically a group of people my age who love the Lord and want to serve, and the Pastors have come alongside us to train and counsel and teach. Its humbling to be around others who are so passionate for the Lord. "Look at her gifts," I say to God, "wouldn't You like me to be gifted in that, too? And look at him, he is so sensitive to Your Spirit, I want to be more like that. You have given others such insight, I should be more like that." But very softly, very slowly, but very deliberately He has told me, "Don't look at them. Look at ME."

We are forever in a stage of growth and refining. He is never finished teaching us. 


"I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:14